So I’m approaching the end of my pregnancy and I am possibly experiencing every emotion known to woman! I’m aware I am completely blessed to be given a gift of another life especially when I was lead to believe that this probably wasn’t going to happen. The pregnancy has been tough, real tough at times yet it has also forced me to slow down, take a step back, reflect and actually given me a huge kick up the bottom. In result of this I have made changes in my life, house, marriage and well being .. all of which was standing right in front of me with a flashing light and screaming cheerleaders, yet I couldn’t see clearly until now. This little irish dancer in my belly has also given me thick long hair on my head and the hair on my legs has completely disappeared – perfect scenario – thank you little one! almost over rides the 26 + weeks of sickness and the other stuff I don’t care to remember!
I am however aware that things are about to change (big time) some days I’m completely ready for it, cool as a cucumber, a lot wiser, calmer and kinder to myself than I was when my little H man burst into my world. Which leads me to my beautiful pudding…. my heart completely breaks to know this chapter is coming to an end and as I type through my glassy eyes and shuddering shoulders, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for this. I’ve made no secret of the fact I never wanted children and struggled terribly for the first two years of Hugo’s life. Thankfully I confronted my issues (not as easy as it sounds) embraced motherhood and completely fell in love with the most charming, fascinating, handsome, kind hearted and stubborn little human I’ve ever known. He has taken me to the edge of sanity with his “that cushion is too round for me” or “I don’t eat cooked vegetables only raw” yet he has helped me give and accept love like I never have in my life, he has shown me things I’d never have seen, encouraged me to enjoy things right out of my safety bubble, taught me so about myself, face my fears and become the person I always wanted to be. I think about some magical moments in the 7 years I’ve known him and the hysterical things he surprises me with… I could write about them for hours.. but some of my top memories are, one Easter pulling a moonie in front of 1000 people on stage in a clubhouse in the middle of an Easter bonnet parade.
The year he planted a sunflower seed and rushed out everyday to watch it grow and the flower opened on his birthday… his reaction ….priceless
The moment he fell in love with dressing up and hats, he has the best collection of hats I know of
And wearing one turn up on his jean and having the coolest swagger going to his school disco because “that’s my choice Mama”
He truly has been a absolute handful at times, he is theatrical, stubborn, strong minded, wild, creative and has more sass than I have in my little finger, yet I cherish all of this and nurture it to the best of my ability as I never want him to be anything other than himself. I’m forever grateful for being able to be around for so much of his life so far and knowing his personality and needs I really believe he wouldn’t have coped with his life if I wasn’t.
He has made me see beauty in children, how amazing these little people really are… If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be able to even consider another beautiful child in my life. I am going to miss him so much and already have agreed to have special Mama and H dates when the baby comes along. So as I sit and wait for my little lady to join us I smile at this utterly awesome life lesson and eagerly await for our very new, scary and exciting adventure to begin.